General Manager Mike Staebell has done the unthinkable. Frustrated by the steady stream of nagging injuries, Staebell threw in the proverbial towel and actually traded away his boss, the owner of the team. It is the first time in the history of the game that an owner was traded away by his very own manager, for seemingly unrelated items.
“I’ve known Kjeldsen for a long time, and we are friends,” Staebell nonchalantly shrugged, smacking on his gum. “But I have to do what’s best for the team. He needed a change of scenery, and I think he’ll do just fine in Pittsburgh. We wish him the best.”
It is unclear whether or not the move is legal, however, Kjeldsen will not be pressing charges. “It’s frustrating, ya know?” Kjeldsen offered, choking back tears. “My hernia surgery caused a slew of….” Beat writer Mike Staebell suddenly cut off The Hub’s owner and former 2nd baseman.
“Let me stop ya right there. I think we got all we needed. We can wrap this up. Yeah, here are your plane tickets, I’ll see you around.” Staebell bluntly stated, leaving the ex-Hub 2nd Baseman lonely and cold, riddled with grief, and swimming in self-doubt.
“What a dick,” Kjeldsen responded, after 20 or so odd seconds of silence. “I mean, I appreciate him being so direct with me, but he didn’t have to slam the door and shut the light off.”
Kjeldsen spent the next few minutes reflecting on his time with the team, the ups and downs, good times and bad, when suddenly his former manager barged back in the door.
“Forgot my chew. Yep. Great, there it is. Got it. Get the fuck outta here, wouldya?”
On a related note, beat writer Mike Staebell has now been banned from The Hub, along with Orchard Hill Church, Peppers, and all of Barmuda’s bars.
“Eh, fuck it,” Staebell responded upon hearing of his banishment. “Never liked that place much anyways. The stage has rats the size of dogs. The locker room is smaller than my attic. They should tear it down and make it a national shrine. Seriously, it’s time.”
The Hub looks to improve their winning streak to 5 games tonight, as they play some lame Barmuda team at 9 oclock, central standard time.