The Hub will have a much-needed day off this Monday. Knowing how important the community is to this franchise, many players are taking the opportunity to give back to the community that has given them so much.
A number of players are taking the weekend to help boost the local economy, namely the economies of several local nightclubs. We caught up with Shortstop Jordan Scales at a local tavern at 11am Friday. “We figure if we start drinking early in the afternoon, every day, *hic* all weekend, it could really *hic* help the bar sales around town. This could, like, have an effect *hic* on the local economy in a positive way,” Scales managed to mutter while sitting amid a barrage of empty cocktail glasses and beer cans.
“Me and a couple other guys are volunteering to work with the disabled,” Left Fielder Jake Arends explains. “And by ‘disabled’ we mean ‘other drunk people’ and by ‘work’ we mean ‘drink’ and by ‘volunteering’ we mean ‘wasting last week’s paycheck.” He then proceeded to yack into his own lap.
Some other players are a little more selfish with their time. When asked what he plans to do this Memorial Day to give back to the community, ace pitcher Anthony “Twan” King said one word. “X-box.” When asked to elaborate, Twan declined further comment.
Manager Mike Staebell defended his star pitcher. “That’s just Twan being Twan. You gotta take the good with the bad.”
It’s good to see at least some of the players giving back so generously to the community that has given them so much. Their goal is to single-handedly double beer sales in the entire community this weekend.
Good luck, team. And by “good luck”, we mean try not to “get arrested.”