I recently agreed to participate in yet another challenge involving self-discipline. Thankfully, this didn’t require me to starve myself.
All posts by staebz
Best bartender in Iowa.
Yes. The best. He was running around like a madman and successfully serving drinks and food to the entire place. It was amazing to watch him multitask and keep everyone’s thirst quenched. Kudos to you, sir.
The show was fun, too. We hope to be back as soon as possible. Special thanks to all who made the drive to come see us!
A few weeks ago, my friends asked me if I was interested in joining them in a 21-day diet called the Adventure Cleanse. In this truly horrific exercise of resilience, one must abstain from meat, caffeine, sugar, gluten, dairy, alcohol, and many other major cornerstones of my diet. No candy. No pretzels. No buffalo wings, steaks, milk, or coffee. No beer, cigarettes, ramen noodles, Chunky Soup, or Jolly Ranchers. In my eyes, that pretty much narrows it down to fruits, vegetables, and oxygen. With all the water your empty little tummy desires.
New Year’s Eve.
My good friends The Pork Tornadoes asked me (at the last minute) to open up in Cedar Falls on New Year’s Eve at Gingers Pub for a packed, drunk crowd. My answer was “duh!”
Rock and roll, partial nudity, and a street fight. What else can you ask for?
It started out weird. I was wearing a pair of pants that had a hole in the back pocket. Khaki pants with black boxers. A young, polite, all-American family was sitting in a booth near the “stage.” As Spenser and I set up, I found myself wondering why they kept looking over at my crotch whenever I bent over or crouched down to run cables. And then it hit me. Before the family left, the wife tipped me one dollar. No lie. Read More
by beat writer Mike Staebell
Locals were shocked last week when news surfaced that The HuB, a popular after school hangout spot in town, plans to close its doors this May. The teen-friendly business—which boasts an assortment of arcade games, colorful wall décor, and the best milkshakes in town—has reportedly been bought out and will soon be reduced to an unrecognizable, featureless mound of dirt and rubble. Read More
by beat writer Mike Staebell
In what could be considered the worst rollout in the history of the internet, HuB.GuV continues to confuse and frustrate a majority of its user base, the Associated Press reported Monday. Read More
Associated Press – Cedar Falls, IA
May 17, 2012
by beat writer Mike Staebell
In an effort to raise funds for the charity organization known as “Retirement,” former HuB greats have organized a charity softball outing to be played at Birdsall Stadium this summer.
That’s right – the once strong, strapping, athletic boys of summer have blossomed into frail, confused, elderly gentlemen, and are asking $500 per ticket to let you watch them attempt to play the game they once dominated.
Gone are the days where HuB greats once occupied lavish nightclubs, raced fast cars, and chased loose women. No more hard turns around 2nd base. No more home runs, beer in the dugouts, or triple plays. No more guts. No more glory. Until now. Read More
Associated Press – Cedar Falls, IA
March 2nd, 2011
by beat writer Mike Staebell
After threatening to cut funding for the HuB Softball Team, HuB owner Marcus Kjeldsen has finally agreed to a deal, solidifying a fully-funded 2011 softball season. Early reports indicate that Kjeldsen has begrudgingly negotiated with skipper Mike Staebell, and agreed to fund yet another fiscally irresponsible season as the HuB’s deficit continues to plummet “into the fiery depths of hell,” sources say. Read More
Associated Press – Cedar Falls, IA
July 20th, 2010
by beat writer Mike Staebell
HuB utility man Austin Sorgie is finally back with the team after completing a 90 day reHuBilitation for sex addiction at The Sterling Meadows Softball Related Sex Addiction Center (SMSRSAC) in Pine Meadows, CA. Sorgie says he’s finally ready to return to the game, and looks forward to building deep, meaningful friendships with “as many hot chicks as possible.” Read More
Associated Press – Cedar Falls, IA
June 10th, 2010
by beat writer Mike Staebell
Unless you’ve been locked in a cellar for the last 2 months, you’ve probably heard the news. In one of the most devastating environmental disasters in HuB Softball history, countless gallons of Bud Light continue to spill into one of the community’s most pristine wildlife reserves – George Wyth Lake. Read More
Associated Press – Cedar Falls, IA
May 4th, 2010
by beat writer Mike Staebell
The HuBs snapped their 19 game winning streak last night as they got the Mother-Freaking-Crap kicked out of by BLC. The HuBs managed only 2 hits spread out over 3 innings, scoring zero runs, and lost the game 22-0. Read More
Associated Press – Cedar Falls, IA
April 26th, 2010
by beat writer Mike Staebell
In a stunning move, HuB skipper Mike Staebell recently announced that he will be moving the HuB’s #1 starting pitcher to the bullpen. Read More
Associated Press – Cedar Falls, IA
March 23rd, 2010
by beat writer Mike Staebell
History has been made. The long and arduous battle over HuBCare Reform has finally been won, and is on its way to the Mayor’s desk to officially get signed into law. Read More
Associated Press – Cedar Falls, IA
March 10th, 2010
by beat writer Mike Staebell
“The two dots over the top of the ‘u’ was the last straw,” a local singer/songwriter announced last week to a group of uninterested reporters.
Upon hearing news that his song “In My Head”, was recently ripped off and was topping the charts, Mike Staebell, the self-proclaimed founder of the “In My Head” premise, along with his band, vowed to take their case all the way to the Cedar Falls Supreme Court. Read More
Associated Press – Cedar Falls, IA
January 17th, 2010
by beat writer Mike Staebell
The former Sultans of Swing slugger admitted Thursday that he did, in fact use steroids throughout his famed career. It came as no shock to the American public, who, in recent polls responded, “Ummmm, duuuuuuuuhhhh???!!” over 91% of the time. 6% responded sarcastically with “Oh really? You’ve GOT to be kidding me…(rolling eyes)”, 2% responded “Who the fuck is Skyler Boyer?”, and 1% responded “Really, that’s quite surprising. I was under the impression that he was simply utilizing his God-given talent.” Read More
Associated Press – Cedar Falls, IA
November 12th, 2009
by beat writer Mike Staebell
In a year filled with law troubles, shut-out victories, embarrassing interviews, and an undefeated record, you could say this past year was a bumpy one for Hub pitcher Anthony “Twan” King. Through the ups and downs, he’s always been known as a fighter, one that doesn’t rattle easily. Read More
Associated Press – Cedar Falls, IA
July 27th, 2009
by beat writer Mike Staebell
Twenty-something years ago, in a run down part of South Bronx, nicknamed Gingerville, a young boy grew up as a disadvantaged youth with some very ambitious dreams. He, like many other children his age, dreamed to one day grow up and be the “bestest” softball player in the world. Read More
Associated Press – Cedar Falls, IA
May 19th, 2009
by beat writer Mike Staebell
To quote the late great Yogi Berra, it’s de ja vu all over again. The Associated Press has confirmed early reports that Hub slugger Jordan Scales has tested positive for TestiBulge, a fertility drug designed to curb the embarrassing side effects of steroids. Read More
Associated Press-Cedar Falls, IA
December 3rd, 2008
by beat writer Mike Staebell
After flying The Hub Softball Team’s 30 million dollar jet to Washington D.C. to request a 30 million dollar government bailout, The Hub’s Chief Financial Officer, Marcus Kjeldsen, was denied every penny. The Hub desperately needed the money to pay salaries, pay off the 30 million dollar luxury jet, and close various tabs its players have run up in local taverns & gentlemen’s clubs during the offseason. Read More
Associated Press-Cedar Falls, IA
October 30th, 2008
by beat writer Mike Staebell
After a disappointing post-season, the Hub Softball Team packed up their bags and headed home. Never before has a plane ride been so eerily silent. Except for an intoxicated Jordan Scales, who speaks roughly 175% louder than a normal human being. “THAT FUCKING GUY! I CAN’T *HICK* BELIEVE THAT FUCKING GUY DUDE! FUCK!!” Scales reportedly shouted, while a stewardess tugged at his arm, urging him to quit screaming at a small child. Read More
Birdsall Park. Early evening. 125 fucking degrees. The Hub vs. Jokers. Two nations with differing world views, pitted against each other in a battle over the corner of 4th and Main.
With Zach Ruden recently traded to Dubuque, Marcus Kjeldsen traded to Pittsburg, Jake Arends on the bereavement list, and Jordan Scales nowhere to be found (most likely wandering around in a beanfield, naked and confused), The Hub found themselves with only 7 players, just minutes before game time. Needing a minimum of 8 to avoid a forfeit, several Hub players soaked up their pride and began searching for another body. Were they worried?
No. They marched forward. Read More
Deion Sanders. Bo Jackson. Andy Ruden. Jordan Scales. This elite group of multisport athletes are well known for their athleticism, stamina, and endurance. But for Ruden and Scales, it’s much more than that. Read More
The Hub’s ace pitcher Anthony “Twan” King lived up to his “bad boy” reputation this past week, as he spent a few days in the slammer. King, who was arrested this past spring for his “alleged” involvment in his second OWI in as many years, will be spending 15 days in Cedar Falls’ maximum security facility. Read More
General Manager Mike Staebell has done the unthinkable. Frustrated by the steady stream of nagging injuries, Staebell threw in the proverbial towel and actually traded away his boss, the owner of the team. It is the first time in the history of the game that an owner was traded away by his very own manager, for seemingly unrelated items. Read More